Wrap-Up

This is it, last blog of (probably) my life. It was fascinating to scan back through some of my old posts and relive my experiences. Funny thing, I wish I had done that a couple of weeks ago because it gave me inspiration to write more about what I was doing daily, something I've been neglecting of late. It's funny to see how most blogs were written in Alpaugh, when there was very little to do, and the fewest back on campus when I was meeting up with old friends and doping around. I'm satisfied that I attempted and finished an Americorps blog. I sometimes had to force myself to write but it was well worth it in the end.

I've been very negative about my team lately (in my head, not outwardly), and it's something that has got me thinking that negativity is how I naturally respond to situations. Knowing that the end is near, I can finally let loose and be angry with the people that have frustrated me for the past 10 months. And they are probably doing the same. Yet, it's something I'm learning from as I go. I came to a sad realization yesterday that every action that my teammates perform that angers me tends to be the very actions that I undertake regularly. It's completely unjust for me to be having the angry thoughts that I have. But I've figured that out, and it's cast a different light over the last week here in Sacramento. a spirited and upbeat one. I always have a choice of actions, and I will never make the right one 100%, but if I'm savvy enough to gauge how I feel after it, I can slowly change my actions to more satisfying ones. And I want to make people happy, to make them laugh, relax and feel comfortable, not to belittle them. There's an attitude choice that I've made lately, and it's one I will stick with. Maybe you all will see it in me next time we meet.

This program, in hindsight, is so bizarre I have difficulty capturing it in words. 10 months of life, put on a team of randomly chosen kids my age, packing and unpacking, constantly moving around and readjusting to new settings, cooking food for 8 every night, managing 1 van, trying to stay calm amongst too many opinions. For almost a year, I existed in a vortex of difference. Nothing was the same as it had been in college, playing sports, traveling with family (although there were parallels to studying abroad) or living at home. And I did it willingly, because I wanted something different, a unique experience that I could look back on and be proud and satisfied that I tried it. Now here I am, looking back. It's nothing I could have expected, yet I knew that coming in. And even knowing that, I couldn't prepare for the weirdness and surprise of it all. But at the same time, it became normal. By mid-November, it was just my life. Now, in hindsight, it was totally insane. In a very, very good way.


My biggest fear in leaving Americorps NCCC is falling back into the old routine. I've been subjected to difficult and monotonous work, and it has spanked me in the butt. I've grown up here, but now, in my opinion, comes the hardest part: Bringing it all back into my normal life. Because my normal life is living in the Northeast, with family and friends. All the lessons that I have learned here may be washed away when I step foot in Albany airport. Why not? I'm back in familiar territory, with the same people I've known my whole life. Americorps NCCC allows one to completely forget what just happened, to have a different experience but not remember it. It's going to be very, very difficult to reinsert myself into an old life, but with a new Dan. And it's not important to you reading this, but it's important to me, because I like how I am right now. I'm enjoying learning about myself and new people and places. If you care about and know me, you'll understand from these blogs that I am very different, but that it's a positive difference. If you've learned anything from these blogs, it should have been that we can all be open about our feelings, our mistakes, and our inner thoughts. There's no reason it can't happen. Don't be afraid to let your guard down, because people interest people. Hopefully, you have all learned a lot about me from these blogs, and it will make you feel more comfortable and open with me in the future. And please, keep in mind that any one of you can do the same thing I did, or at least something similar, that allows others entrance to your thoughts and feelings, essentially your lives.

There's one last thing I need to mention before I close this out. It's one of the broadest statements there is, but it's a reminder we all need, more often then we realize I think. There exists a ton of people that aren't lucky. We think of luck as winning the lottery or scoring an interview, and that is indeed lucky. But have you ever thought of "unluck". It's losing your job as a teacher because you were 1 year away from tenure and the school system you were in was in such bad economic state that they needed your tenured salary for themselves. Or, as a teacher, being rotated through a consistently contracting school district's classrooms, never able to attain stability. Or being neglected and shunned because you left Mexico to find a home and work in America. Or losing your land and livelihood because the government wanted to restore it back to it's natural state. Or being mentally disabled, not able to wipe your own ass, or even know what "wipe" means. Or being bullied as a janitor by the school district to work more summer hours in sweltering heat. Or living on the street. These are the people that got a little "unluck" in their lives. And it's little fault of their own. So when we go out to restaurants, bars, festivals, concerts, and other leisure activities, consider that we could, with a little "unluck", be drinking freeze-dried milk with 2 hungry children, begging for extra food at a street corner, or enjoying life only after a handle of alcohol. I've learned, seriously, that there is not much different between us and them. Keep that in mind.

Thanks for tuning in everybody. It's been a helluva ride. Dan out.