Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Whirlwinds
It's all spinning out of control. 2 weeks of work. 3 weeks total. The end of an era. E-mails abound. Network, network, network. Constant list in my head to check off. Only spite and resentment towards teammates. Why have they not matured through this program like I have? Only grown-up on this team. Would it have been different had Virginia boy stuck around? Would I have had to step in as father/mentor/leader? Why so hypocritical? Read, read, read. 270 of 450 pages done. 1.5 weeks to return book to library. 180 pages left. 12 days left. 180 / 12? 15 pages per day. Can't skip a day or recalculation needed. Are networking e-mails aggressive enough? Too aggressive? Too simple? Unprofessional? Who knows. Just keep writing. No time to stop and relax. More check-offs needed. Exercise for an hour. Run? Lift? Which muscles? Just say "fuck it"? Soccer, soccer, soccer. Sports? Am I capable? Competent? Stay relaxed, that's how the pro's look. Always relaxed. It really doesn't mean much, all in your head. Reeelllaaaaxxxxx. No time to relax. Check through old e-mails. Write again? Just say "fuck it"? Hate phone conversations. Extremely nervous, fast heartbeat. Rather meet in person. Stop interrupting them Dan! Does everyone feel this awkward on phone? Growth, change, learn. Some things never change.
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Times of change bring lots of opportunities and lots of emotions, including anxiety and fear. You're doing great.
ReplyDeleteHaha, you should have this entire blog of your experience published, or at least passed out in pamphlet form to recent college graduates and those who are entering the Americorp program. You gave great insight the whole time you were there. I'm glad I know more about the program and how it works. So, thanks for that. About being stressed about moving forward in life, trust me when I say the more relaxed you are the easier it is. All of the stress and worry you have is self generated. I know I felt the same way at that point in my life, but looking back the best advice I can give you is just continue to be yourself, believe in yourself, and you will succeed. We're lucky people, we were born with gifts that most people aren't. Understand that because of this, and because of being outgoing and friendly, you will be successful. Above all, remember to always be thankful for the gifts given to you and remain humble. Understanding this, relax, and try to enjoy the process, or before you know it you'll be 40, with a wife and kid, and wonder where your 20s and 30s went.
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