A thought occurred to me recently, one that later made me reflect deep reflective reflections. I have a natural instinct to promote, even if what I'm promoting is not something I believe. Is my internal being an undercover used car salesman bursting to be released from years of repression? No. But I do yearn to represent an entity and convince my subject, and myself, that what I represent is the best.
The epiphany came to me during parents weekend at Camp Stand-By-And-Clean-Up-Pee, a chance for families with a child with disabilities to vacation together. This particular time, it included a first-time family scoping out the scene to determine if the camp was a suitable place for their child. Before I continue, let me briefly review my sentiments towards camp. It's very harshly run, to a point that it becomes counterproductive. The director is a misanthropic rule stickler that makes counselor's lives a living hell and disgruntles some camper's families as well. Regardless of how much better the camp could be operated, it has a monopoly on disabled children, as the parents need it for their own sanity, and as bad as they feel dropping their kid off in the old Soviet Union, they really have little choice. So I've felt like Kim Jong Il's servant for the past 6 weeks. This past weekend, I was assigned to chill out with the inquiring parents' child with down syndrome and autism. I did my duties, took him when they needed a break, and for the most part didn't totally mind the experience, except, of course, whenever camp director Voldemort came around the corner. By the end, I'd established a repoire with the family. Here's where my salesman alter ego took over. I ended up explaining the great camp atmosphere, undying attentiveness of counselors, and overall safety at camp. Is this what I believe? No. Did I say it anyways? Yes. Why?
It's as if the words tumbled subconsciously from my mouth. I couldn't help it, it sounded so right. The other critical part of the interaction: I initiated the sales pitch. I felt compelled to go out of my way to explain that sending their child here was the correct move. It's like there's a competitive streak that I can't eliminate from my nature. I want to win mother fucker, and hitting the targets with some well placed compassion and coersion would bring me home the bacon. Got em hook, line and sinker.
But in reality, I think the pitch stemmed from some sense of obligation to where I work. I wasn't going to badmouth the place in front of the family, but I could have said nothing. A pride welled up in me at that moment that I couldn't fend off. It resulted in me pouring a fresh glass of maple syrup on the camp to make it delicious and sweet. It's lame, because it was fake. At the same time, I wanted them to be conscious-free when they dropped their priceless little ball of life off at our door, as they inevitably would do. So, in a way, what I said was as much for their benefit as mine, a relief to know that I'm not as slimy as I thought I was.
Or maybe I'm brainwashed, because I've given the same pitch about Americorps NCCC, a program that also has good intentions and does a poor job of accomplishing them. It seems like their is a disconnect between how I feel when I am promoting and when I am working for what I'm promoting. Working for it makes me hate it, but telling others about it makes me believe that what I'm saying is true. Whether it's just me or the general population, it's scary to think about. Talk about a vicious cycle.
Do we all like saying what sounds right more than what is the actual truth?
(Ok, ending a blog with a question really makes it sound like a Sex In the City episode. Speaking of, gotta see that second movie. Samantha single again? I think yes. Let's go girl!)
(I actually saw the first movie while holed up in downtown Alpaugh (a valentines day thing, the girls made me watch it, I promise). I couldn't believe what I was watching. It was like being forced to sit and listen to that person who tells stories that drag on and on and on, with no pauses to allow for a hasty escape. So you're stuck in the middle of it, your mind wandering and all you hope for is a quick pause to excuse yourself that never comes.)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Maintenance Work
I've discovered 2 types of workers on my team:
1. The Perfectionist - These personality types focus very heavily on the little things, taking the utmost care in each and every task. The most important part of a job is to get it right and have it looking it's best. They take pride in their work, generally beaming upon their final product contentedly. Oftentimes, these types lose track of the task at hand, focus too heavily on what's in front of the, and are inefficient with their time. Painting style: Carefully trim the edges, rag in opposite hand. Clean, dainty strokes.
2. The Road Runner - Slowwww downnnnnn speed demon! These workers fly around the joint, getting done what's necessary in as little time as possible. Although effective, their work tends to be shoddy, at least compared to The Perfectionist's. It feels like they either care little about their work or are continually late to the ball (Cinderella reference, I know.) Painting style: Slop-it-on-Polly. Put as much paint on as humanly possible before wiping off what you can, if you remember.
I make generalizations. I like to enumerate. I know. But if there is no personal investment in a task, both parties eventually expose their true worker-type characteristics.
1. The Perfectionist - These personality types focus very heavily on the little things, taking the utmost care in each and every task. The most important part of a job is to get it right and have it looking it's best. They take pride in their work, generally beaming upon their final product contentedly. Oftentimes, these types lose track of the task at hand, focus too heavily on what's in front of the, and are inefficient with their time. Painting style: Carefully trim the edges, rag in opposite hand. Clean, dainty strokes.
2. The Road Runner - Slowwww downnnnnn speed demon! These workers fly around the joint, getting done what's necessary in as little time as possible. Although effective, their work tends to be shoddy, at least compared to The Perfectionist's. It feels like they either care little about their work or are continually late to the ball (Cinderella reference, I know.) Painting style: Slop-it-on-Polly. Put as much paint on as humanly possible before wiping off what you can, if you remember.
I make generalizations. I like to enumerate. I know. But if there is no personal investment in a task, both parties eventually expose their true worker-type characteristics.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Sob Stories
In each of the three locations I've settled into (Sacramento, Alpaugh, Vaughn), there has been consistent complaing amongst local residents. Actually, I have experienced excessive amounts of whining since Americorps started. Now that I think about it, whining is the culture within Americorps. Everyone has something to lament about. 5 thoughts on this matter:
1. America has actually become a nation of compulsive complainers who can comprehend when they are being slighted but not when they are being benefited. Complaints help us fit in, to feel connected with others. Whining about all our problems is a great way to feel better about ourselves, to convince us that it's not our laziness or incompentence causing the problem, but another faction. We're all screwed.
2. My team, more than most, is compelled to complain about the program, supervisors, living arrangements, etc., skewing my judgment on complainers.
3. The regions we have sojourned to are particularly barren. Residents are thus justified in complaining, because no matter their actions no changes to their towns or statuses are made.
4. The west coast is filled with a bunch of pansy asses.
5. I may complain more than anyone else, and am not helping my cause by writing a blog complaining about how other people complain too much.
I guess my point is this: Everyone complains. It's become part of our culture, but I don't think it has to be. If we stopped looking at everything from a purely selfish viewpoint, I think we'd see how many of our complaints are simply structural, a part of living in a society with so many intricacies and different personalities. Sometimes it helps to just grin when that urge to inform others of your mistreatment takes over. Trust me, they usually don't care anyways.
But seriously, today I tried to use the printer, and guess what? The camp director said no! She is such a...
1. America has actually become a nation of compulsive complainers who can comprehend when they are being slighted but not when they are being benefited. Complaints help us fit in, to feel connected with others. Whining about all our problems is a great way to feel better about ourselves, to convince us that it's not our laziness or incompentence causing the problem, but another faction. We're all screwed.
2. My team, more than most, is compelled to complain about the program, supervisors, living arrangements, etc., skewing my judgment on complainers.
3. The regions we have sojourned to are particularly barren. Residents are thus justified in complaining, because no matter their actions no changes to their towns or statuses are made.
4. The west coast is filled with a bunch of pansy asses.
5. I may complain more than anyone else, and am not helping my cause by writing a blog complaining about how other people complain too much.
I guess my point is this: Everyone complains. It's become part of our culture, but I don't think it has to be. If we stopped looking at everything from a purely selfish viewpoint, I think we'd see how many of our complaints are simply structural, a part of living in a society with so many intricacies and different personalities. Sometimes it helps to just grin when that urge to inform others of your mistreatment takes over. Trust me, they usually don't care anyways.
But seriously, today I tried to use the printer, and guess what? The camp director said no! She is such a...
Monday, May 17, 2010
Camper Weekend #2
Friday Night
7:32 PM - Camper Ben soils himself. 20 minute clean up ensues. I've never wiped a single butt that many times.
8:21 PM - Me, to Camper Jay: Jay, would you like a S'more?
Jay: YEAAA!
Me: Would you like one of those (pointing at a S'more)?
Jay: ...No...
1:15 AM - Camper Devin's alarm goes off. I get up to escort him to the restroom (he's blind).
3:30 AM - Camper Neil: Dan... I have to go to the bathroom
Neil has cerebral palsy and a rod in his back, rendering him unable to walk. I carry him the 20 feet to the bathroom, plop him down, pull down his pants, wait, put on his pants, carry him back to bed.
4:15 AM - Jay's incessant snoring/grunting wakes up Camper Mark and Camper John. Both are unhappy, but only mutter under their breaths.
6:00 AM - Camper Devin's alarm goes off. I get up to escort him back to the restroom.
Saturday Morning
7:04 AM - Camper Aaron stirs, wakes up, and assumes it's time to get up, but breakfast is at 8:30. He asks me twice in the span of two minutes if he can turn on the lights. I cave in on the second attempt.
7:05 AM - I walk to the bathroom to find half a sloppy turd in the toilet, the other half on the toilet seat. I clean up the hardened mess.
7:10 AM to 8:00 AM - We end wake up with 3 wetted beds and 1 pair of soiled underwear.
11:15 AM - Team Leader John dresses Camper Kenny in Counselor Dennis' clothes on accident after swimming. Chaos ensues as Dennis is showering campers and we can't figure out why there are extra clothes in the locker room.
2:15 PM - Camper Aaron, a chronic thumb-wrestler who turns every high-five into a thumb-locked battle, defeats Camper Jay in a thumb wrestle. The competition lasts 4 seconds, since Jay is not fully functional, and rarely has any idea what's going on.
2:34 PM - Camper Matthew gets hit straight on in the head with a high-arcing basketball while staring up at the rim (he does this for 20 minutes at a time.) Instead of reacting like a normal child, he just stares blankly straight ahead for a couple of seconds before returning to his trance.
4:30 PM - Camper Jay, not totally grasping the game, continues to run around the circle while chasing his goose. He circles it 4 times total before realizing what to do.
6:32 PM - Camper Roarke attempts to eat his excrement after first wipe.
Sunday Morning
9:01 AM - Camper Matthew #2 repeats "tractor", followed by jibberish while staring 6 inches from my face. I continue to feed him as he repeats this for 10 minutes.
12:30 AM - Camper Neil's shoes are nowhere to be found. After a 30 minute camp search, we find them on Camper Matthew #2's feet.
7:32 PM - Camper Ben soils himself. 20 minute clean up ensues. I've never wiped a single butt that many times.
8:21 PM - Me, to Camper Jay: Jay, would you like a S'more?
Jay: YEAAA!
Me: Would you like one of those (pointing at a S'more)?
Jay: ...No...
1:15 AM - Camper Devin's alarm goes off. I get up to escort him to the restroom (he's blind).
3:30 AM - Camper Neil: Dan... I have to go to the bathroom
Neil has cerebral palsy and a rod in his back, rendering him unable to walk. I carry him the 20 feet to the bathroom, plop him down, pull down his pants, wait, put on his pants, carry him back to bed.
4:15 AM - Jay's incessant snoring/grunting wakes up Camper Mark and Camper John. Both are unhappy, but only mutter under their breaths.
6:00 AM - Camper Devin's alarm goes off. I get up to escort him back to the restroom.
Saturday Morning
7:04 AM - Camper Aaron stirs, wakes up, and assumes it's time to get up, but breakfast is at 8:30. He asks me twice in the span of two minutes if he can turn on the lights. I cave in on the second attempt.
7:05 AM - I walk to the bathroom to find half a sloppy turd in the toilet, the other half on the toilet seat. I clean up the hardened mess.
7:10 AM to 8:00 AM - We end wake up with 3 wetted beds and 1 pair of soiled underwear.
11:15 AM - Team Leader John dresses Camper Kenny in Counselor Dennis' clothes on accident after swimming. Chaos ensues as Dennis is showering campers and we can't figure out why there are extra clothes in the locker room.
2:15 PM - Camper Aaron, a chronic thumb-wrestler who turns every high-five into a thumb-locked battle, defeats Camper Jay in a thumb wrestle. The competition lasts 4 seconds, since Jay is not fully functional, and rarely has any idea what's going on.
2:34 PM - Camper Matthew gets hit straight on in the head with a high-arcing basketball while staring up at the rim (he does this for 20 minutes at a time.) Instead of reacting like a normal child, he just stares blankly straight ahead for a couple of seconds before returning to his trance.
4:30 PM - Camper Jay, not totally grasping the game, continues to run around the circle while chasing his goose. He circles it 4 times total before realizing what to do.
6:32 PM - Camper Roarke attempts to eat his excrement after first wipe.
Sunday Morning
9:01 AM - Camper Matthew #2 repeats "tractor", followed by jibberish while staring 6 inches from my face. I continue to feed him as he repeats this for 10 minutes.
12:30 AM - Camper Neil's shoes are nowhere to be found. After a 30 minute camp search, we find them on Camper Matthew #2's feet.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Teammates Update #3
This is getting easier as I lose teammates...
Team Leader from Connecticut: The most interesting human I've encountered. I would shadow him for a day if I could (I'd have to be invisible of course), just to witness his strange interactions with the rest of humanity. He's 1/4 asshole, 1/4 computer nerd, 1/4 gym rat, and 1/4 lost soul. Every 2 weeks or so I feel really sorry for the man, like there's a really happy, knowledgable, friendly guy trapped below a facade of pretentious, egotistical, perfidious man. He's so helpless in some situations, but ensures you that he's got a firm grasp on everything. Overall he's gone way up in my book from the first 2 projects, hopefully he's maturing from this program.
Last Boy Left from Vermont: Again, everything feels normal about him on the exterior. Like's sports, drugs and rap. Simple 19 year-old happy about the simplest things. But there's something about him that irks me, that gives me visions during the day of me Mortal Kombat-style uppercutting him 10 feet into the air. He has a girlfriend in Vermont that he talks to about 75% of the time he is off of work, and who he texts throughout the workday. I'm not exaggerating. It's weird to me his dependency. He also has no idea how brash his voice sounds whenever he speaks. I'm sure he doesn't mean it, but 50% of his words come out aggressive and demeaning. Yet he is compelled to lament about how mean everyone is to him for no reason. He plays the victim in every situation, not realizing how he brings most altercations upon himself. How do you tell somebody that their personality is quarrelsome and annoying?
1st Girl from Boston: Can't say anything about her, she now has access to this blog. And farts a lot.
2nd Girl from Springfieldish, Illinois: I've misjudged her before and feel guilty about only focusing on her bad character traits. She's actually an extremely friendly woman, very positive. She and Boston are the only teammates that get along with everyone, feeling their way through the delicate situations that arise. She's also reliable, a great trait for a teammate. She's loquacious, upbeat and a stubbornly good motivator. I've mentioned before that she has demons deep inside, but I would like to retract that statement. She sometimes says the funniest things on accident, like knows what to say in her brain but somewhere on it's route to the mouth the words get jumbled up, resulting in hilarious sentences.
3rd Girl from Denver via Long Beach, CA: The youngest one, still naive. Also rarely gets angry and listens very well when you have her attention. It's getting her attention that is the problem. You have to sort of snap your fingers in her face, then she'll refocus her eyes on you. She's bubbly and smiley. Deadlines are not her thing, as she is always scrambling to be on time or get an assignment in. But she has grown on me, also, I look forward to keeping in touch with her. She is going to Davidson this fall.
4th Girl from Orlando: She has medicine that calms her down, but their's still this serious edginess and attitude that exudes from her. We are friends, but I always feel like she's waiting for me to say something so she can pounce on it. Predictably unpredictably.
5th Girl from Cincinnati: She's really fun, spunky, a lot of good charisma. But she's also lazy, smokes religiously, and gets downtrodden when required to participate in an organized activity. It's like she would rather be doing anything but what she's doing right then. Always looking for something better. But she has a good heart and good intentions. She's vegan, too.
Team Leader from Connecticut: The most interesting human I've encountered. I would shadow him for a day if I could (I'd have to be invisible of course), just to witness his strange interactions with the rest of humanity. He's 1/4 asshole, 1/4 computer nerd, 1/4 gym rat, and 1/4 lost soul. Every 2 weeks or so I feel really sorry for the man, like there's a really happy, knowledgable, friendly guy trapped below a facade of pretentious, egotistical, perfidious man. He's so helpless in some situations, but ensures you that he's got a firm grasp on everything. Overall he's gone way up in my book from the first 2 projects, hopefully he's maturing from this program.
Last Boy Left from Vermont: Again, everything feels normal about him on the exterior. Like's sports, drugs and rap. Simple 19 year-old happy about the simplest things. But there's something about him that irks me, that gives me visions during the day of me Mortal Kombat-style uppercutting him 10 feet into the air. He has a girlfriend in Vermont that he talks to about 75% of the time he is off of work, and who he texts throughout the workday. I'm not exaggerating. It's weird to me his dependency. He also has no idea how brash his voice sounds whenever he speaks. I'm sure he doesn't mean it, but 50% of his words come out aggressive and demeaning. Yet he is compelled to lament about how mean everyone is to him for no reason. He plays the victim in every situation, not realizing how he brings most altercations upon himself. How do you tell somebody that their personality is quarrelsome and annoying?
1st Girl from Boston: Can't say anything about her, she now has access to this blog. And farts a lot.
2nd Girl from Springfieldish, Illinois: I've misjudged her before and feel guilty about only focusing on her bad character traits. She's actually an extremely friendly woman, very positive. She and Boston are the only teammates that get along with everyone, feeling their way through the delicate situations that arise. She's also reliable, a great trait for a teammate. She's loquacious, upbeat and a stubbornly good motivator. I've mentioned before that she has demons deep inside, but I would like to retract that statement. She sometimes says the funniest things on accident, like knows what to say in her brain but somewhere on it's route to the mouth the words get jumbled up, resulting in hilarious sentences.
3rd Girl from Denver via Long Beach, CA: The youngest one, still naive. Also rarely gets angry and listens very well when you have her attention. It's getting her attention that is the problem. You have to sort of snap your fingers in her face, then she'll refocus her eyes on you. She's bubbly and smiley. Deadlines are not her thing, as she is always scrambling to be on time or get an assignment in. But she has grown on me, also, I look forward to keeping in touch with her. She is going to Davidson this fall.
4th Girl from Orlando: She has medicine that calms her down, but their's still this serious edginess and attitude that exudes from her. We are friends, but I always feel like she's waiting for me to say something so she can pounce on it. Predictably unpredictably.
5th Girl from Cincinnati: She's really fun, spunky, a lot of good charisma. But she's also lazy, smokes religiously, and gets downtrodden when required to participate in an organized activity. It's like she would rather be doing anything but what she's doing right then. Always looking for something better. But she has a good heart and good intentions. She's vegan, too.
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